I saw you in the Columbia Mall food court, having dinner with your uh- friends? handlers? Me- heavyset metalhead with a mohawk; You- a bone-white, headless, armless, naked male mannequin propped up against a chair. Your arms were on the table amongst your buddies' burgers and fries. Call me and maybe you can tell me wtf was wrong with this picture.

... no, it doesn't. It doesn't matter how much of a shitmobile it is, your vehicle is not as bad as the one we saw crossing Rt. 40 today. You know those minivans with the company logos painted on the sides? Well, apparently some poor Joe has to go to work in the BIDETMOBILE ( Read more... )

Me and the dude went out driving and listening to stuff in the car this afternoon and we went down the river road that runs along the Patapsco only to discover ASATRU HOUSE. Seriously guys, if you're going to have six runes A FOOT AND A HALF HIGH embedded into the walls of your home, you're not fooling anyone ( Read more... )

Bar closing? Not ready to go home yet? Well then come on down to ( Read more... )

From our No Punchline Necessary Dept: We were in the local health food store queue line Monday when Harle noticed a shelf of yellow beverages for sale behind the counter.

When asked what they were, the clerk looked evasive and said they were "Uh... for urinalysis."

There is a house down the street. A very special house ( Read more... )

Today, along the same stretch of Georgia Avenuewhere the NO MAFIA HERE sign was spotted, we saw a series ( Read more... )

For several days, this sign had stood in front of an empty parking lot off of Georgia Avenue:

NO MAFIA HERE
DON'T LISTEN
TO THE SHELTER

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I just live here.

(Been what, nine weeks now with no posty? Believe me, shit goes on.)

OMG

There was like, a HUMMER GOING ON IN THE CAR WASH.

IN THE CAR WASH.

Our car was a dirty bastard, so we went to give him a bath and we thought there was only one person in the car in front of us, but while it was in the machine we saw SOMEBODY LIFT THEIR HEAD UP OUT OF HIS LAP AND THEN GO BACK DOWN AGAIN.

ARRRUUGGHH

WHHHY

For the past ten minutes, some guy has been wandering up and down the street outside, singing hymns.